Friday, April 3, 2009
1:17 AM
Its been 2 months 1 week and 4 days.....and you know what....i still miss him...terribly miss him. Yesterday i caught myself by surprise...i suddenly cried alot...and i realised that im not anywhere near moving on. Everything is still fresh in my head. It feels like everything happened yesterday and i hate the way my heart aches for you. I really did honestly love him with all of my heart. Im sorry...im sorry that it had to turn out this way but i really had nothing to do with whatever it was that was or is still happening. Im sorry this always has to happen to us but the world is indeed an ugly place to live in. Infested with lousy people who finds joy in watching other peoples lifes get tarnished. Im sorry that all this is happening and we got dragged into this. Soo many things can happen still. But you know what...no matter what happens..no matter who wins...no matter what it is...i loved you then...i still love you and i will always love you. Forever and ever even if eternity doesnt permit me to..i will rebel and go against anything and anyone. So long as i can keep my love for you....Im not a very nice person. Not that im mean and all. I just dont feel like a nice person. I have a habit that many would like. However, i dont. And i want to put a stop to it but its really tough. Im torn between following the crowd or standing out and being different which is the right thing to do...mind you.Sighs...i hate the nights. It always makes me feel so down and lonely. It used to make me feel high and crazy...no ones around..its quiet...you can hear the serenity in the atmosphere but ironically, its so loud to me. Its torture to my ears. I look out of my window and everyones asleep. In their own world...the only lights on are the street lights and the one in my room. Feels so fake.It scares me now. The night scares me soo much. And i just wish i have company. Someone there to hug me tight and tell me everythings gonna be alright. Cause honestly...i cant do this on my own. Im not all that strong after all...Sorry....but im turning to alcohol for help....
