Thursday, February 25, 2010
2:35 AM
You know...i used to love the nights. I used to feel more alive. Partially cause i prefer sleeping in the day luh...but now, I hate the nights. When its day time, its still okaaaayyyy. But come the night, i get all depressed and sad, i cry..and i hate it! I hate it i hate it i hate it!
My happy pill is gone...since last year, what was there to look forward to? Lost sooo many important people i loved with all my heart in my life. Then my happy pill came along. Gave me the support and love and hope. And now my happy pill is gone. What am i to do without you? Seriously... I feel so lost...soo damn lost. And i long to be around you again. Theres nothing else worth looking forward to if you are gone...and if they are gone. GOD I MISS EVERYONE!
No! No i dont want to feel happy again. Feeling happy after loosing my happy pill feels like im sinning. It just feels right to be depressed, devastated and to do stupid things. Right that..as stupid as it sounds, it seems like the most rational thing to do....drugs and booze!
I just spent an hour crying over you when ive got an exam tomorrow and im not at all prepared. Right now...my heart feels tight and heavy and bruised. I feel so bruised all over.